Sunday, January 13, 2013

No More Perfect Moms

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I was very intimidated to become a mother.  

This comes as a surprise to most people as I had been a nanny for four years prior to marrying Hubby.  Hubby tried to convince me that I would be a wonderful mom. 

 I tried to convince him that I would not.  

It is not that I did not want children.  It is just that I did not want to fail and I was certain failure was impending.  

I tried to convince my husband "Being a nanny was a breeze! My only responsibility was to keep the little boy  safe and have fun with him plus I got nights and weekends off (not to mention a paycheck!) !  Being a mom means running a household, PTA bakesales, and making  real meals!  I will never excel at any of that, you know me! I can never be like Jenny, Deb, Jane!"  (three moms in our church that I really admire)

Hubby spoke words to me that have stuck with me for a decade now.  "oh Honey"  You are not them!  But you are taking the very best of their gifts and comparing yourself to Jenny's creativity, Deb's cooking and Jane's organization!  You can never be the best at everything.  God gave them each gifts and he gave YOU incredible gifts as well!  Embrace who God made you!"

Now just stop right there.  

Lest you think that I married a man who walks around speaking words of affirmation to me left and right.. you are quite wrong.  But his wise words did pierce my heart and begin to change how I viewed myself.  I knew that I needed to see myself through God's eyes and not in the shadow of the people around me.  After all He created me, He clearly had a plan and purpose for me!

So you can IMAGINE how thrilled I was to become part of Jill Savage's launch team for her new book entitled No More Perfect Moms!   I have been devouring the  book and cannot wait for its release in a few weeks because I want to be able to share it with the world!!!  I LOVE the notion that we all stop putting on a facade and accept each other as imperfect mothers!

“We need courage to be honest with ourselves that perfection is impossible. We need to cut ourselves some slack. See ourselves through eyes of grace. Love ourselves… Imperfections included.” –Jill Savage, NO MORE PERFECT MOMS 

One of the best bible study nights took place last Spring.  There was a snowstorm so it was only a few moms that could come--a much smaller group than normal.  

And it got real.  

One mom just dropped her mask and laid out her heart, " It is so hard getting all the kids ready in the morning.  I get to work and I realize that I have been rushing, and yelling at my children and that is all they see of me anymore... an angry stressed- out mom .. I am so ashamed.  "

And then it was beautiful.

The masks all dropped off and all the moms were sharing about their failures, and comforting each other.  

Several times I heard the other moms say, "I had no idea other moms felt the same way I did.  I thought I was the only one. I had so much guilt"  

That evening could have turned out VERY differently.

Suppose someone with a critical spirit would have condemned her.  

We have all been that person at one point or another... whether in our hearts or verbally and have haughtily made someone feel lower.

Jill addresses how to combat our natural judgement inclination  and throughout her book, she has loads of applicable and practical insight that help in areas that we are struggling.  

In closing, I would like to share two things with you in the spirit of being real!

Many months ago, I was frantically getting my house company ready.  I needed to spend my time with the big things.. like food prep and general housecleaning. I could not be bothered with the little bits of things that had morphed into piles.  So took a shoebox around the house and scooted those little things into the box and put it in my closet.  

The next week I cleaned out my car and filled another little box full of things that needed dealt with but did not have the time.  This clearly became an addictive way of speed cleaning for me and I acquired several little storage boxes of "things that need to be dealt with".  

I have NOW put them all in one box and in SIGHT in my bedroom so I will be forced to deal with these annoying things.  It turns out that it was quite an amount once I put all those little stashes together.  

So here it is. 


Yes, I am organizationally challenged.  

But I have come to learn that even organizational wizards have their shortcomings as well! One of my closest friends is a neat freak and anytime I feel intimidated by her.. I remind myself that she forgot to brush her children's teeth for an entire summer!!! 

Anyone out there want to join me in tearing down the walls of shame in Motherhood?   Click Here for the link to find out info about this amazing book entitled No More Perfect Moms by Jill Savage. 


Nichole said...

Sounds like a great book and one I need to read! I smile as I know exactly who Jenny, Jane, and Deb are and can totally relate to what you are saying! :)

Rochelle said...

I can completely relate. I am still not sure why I have children, given all my shortcomings. It's definitely a battle, but books like this are such a balm for my soul.

Thanks for sharing!!

carrie said...

This absolutely cracks me up. I seriously considered having our Christmas letter be a list of what was in the laundry basket after speed cleaning my own house. What better snapshot of our lives could there be? But alas, I didn't even send out a Christmas card that year. Thanks for being real.

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