Tuesday, July 21, 2009

MRI

Well super -claustrophobic me will be getting an MRI tomorrow. Dread. Wonderful Hubby will be coming with me and I will be somewhat sedated with xanax, but I am still uneasy. I am a medical wimp to say the least. I panic at IV's, blood draws and the most medically mundane things.. so all of this is mentally tough for me.

I am doing a little better with the anxiety, but it still can be paralyzing at times. The what-ifs can loom at me very heavily. Over the next few weeks I will be undergoing several tests and then the first week of August I will meet with my neurologist again to discuss the results. (True day of dread and worry)

I find myself in a very hard position. I want to pray so hard and cry out to God, but in doing so I open myself up to the possibilities and it is too scary. So my focus spiritually has been to just worship God and Praise Him. I am counting on my friends and family to really get down on their knees and petition about my health. I have gotten so many notes and stuff assuring me that you are.. so thank you.

Its so weird to have this all hanging over me and to continue normal life. I kinda feel like I am going through the motions. I keep wishing that I could turn back time and remember what it felt like to not be consumed by this. In the next couple of days, my sisters and their families are coming into town to celebrate my mothers's 60th birthday! I am so excited to be with all of them.

Now normally I would have posted pictures of Minnies first birthday... maybe later. She is so sweet, I just love her to pieces! She is walking all over and is still getting into toilets all the time!

So pray for me; for healing and for peace.

And please pray for my friend from high school named Sara. Her little girl named Alivia was just diagnosed with Leukemia. I think that Alivia is 6. She starts chemo tomorrow. How heartbreaking.

Sorry, I am sure that you did not come to my blog to be inundated with heaviness. But I believe in the power of prayer and God says that the prayer of a righteous person avails much! Now I don't feel very righteous at times, but I know that my righteousness is not based on my actions, but on my belief in Jesus Christ and His sacrifice for my sins. Through Him we are made righteous... and through Jesus we can lift up our prayers to our Heavenly Father!

8 comments:

Jen said...

Please know that I will be thinking about you and praying for you as you go through this uncertain time.

Zaugg Team said...

We've been praying for you. What a testimony of your strong faith that you continue to praise and worship God through this scarey time. I know you don't feel like it but you are really letting your light shine for Christ.

Rochelle said...

Definitely praying!

Melissa said...

Hello,
I found your blog through Jen's and felt compelled to comment after I read what you're going through. I had a very similar experience about 18 months ago. I was 33 at the time and a mother of 2. My left foot went numb, then my calf, then my thigh and then the twitches. SO SCARY! My family physician scared the daylights out of me when he said "you need to see a neurologist...this afternoon." In my case it was most likely a diagnosis of MS. I had the series of 3 MRIs: spine, back & brain. I had one spot on my spine which was called a transverse myletis...some sort of damage due to a viral infection as your doctor said. After several rounds of high dose solumedrol treatments, my symptoms SLOWLY subsided. I have followed up with my neurologist and will continue to do so, but have leared that it is UNBELIEVEABLY common for these kinds of things to happen in women between the ages of 25-45. I am praying for you. I don't know you but please know that I have a small grasp of what you are going through. Sending hugs across the internet :).

Amy Cherise said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy Cherise said...

You are doing great Tricia! Keep exposing your fears so you are not chained in them! God is bigger than any fear and TRUTH SETS YOU FREE!!!

Courtney Johnson said...

Tricia, I do not have many words that will calm your anxieties. Only the Lord of heaven and earth can do that. But I do want to share with you a few words that I have leaned on heavily in my darkest days. One is a quote from a book: Calm My Anxious Heart, Linda Dillow writes:

As God weaves His pattern into the fabric of our lives, sometimes we sit in a “darkened room.” The darkness seems suffocating. We can’t understand what He’s doing and can’t discover any possible good in the darkness. Yet, if we fix our focus on the faithful Weaver, we will someday know that the most exquisite work of all our life was done in those days of darkness.

The other is Psalm 139. PLEASE read it and remember that your Father knows everything about you, and He holds you in the palm of His hand.

I love you and will pray for you daily, starting now.
Courtney

Anonymous said...

Finally, someone who is as claustrophobic as me! I dread things too, because I always imagine them to be much worse than they actually are. Although I still have not had an MRI.
I, too, believe in prayer and pray that you will rest in Jesus arms during the MRI.